I recently caught part of the Libertarian Presidential nomination on CSPAN. The candidate for their nomination I saw the most of was Wayne Allyn Root.

 

I imagine Mr. Root is a nice fellow. And in general he was a polished speaker. But he did not leave a very strong impression on me. I’m trying to sugar coat this, but despite that I’m very harsh below. Look - Root went for the ring of power and is fair game.

 

Speech Asking For the Nomination

Unfortunately no one has bothered posting Root’s performance to YouTube. As I said he was polished. But — he got off on very bad footing within the first thirty seconds, and the center piece of his speech was a wreck.

 

Make It Clear You’re Joking

First, Root started off by announcing that his daughter (I think that’s who it was at least) would be president in 2028, after he’d been President for 8 year and some other member of the Root family had been President 8 years. I started laughing out loud - at him, not with him. Maybe Root was saying this tongue and cheek, but the joke was lost on me. I really think he was serious. When I think of Libertarians, they don’t exactly seem like the type to get behind a family dynasty running the country. So not only did he not make the joke clear, he forgot his audience.

 

Avoid Clichés (Like the Plague)

After that, he said this wasn’t a typical political stump speech. Something to the effect that it was coming from the heart. It was different. Ugh.

 

Don’t Make Your Sap Story the Centerpiece

The body of Root’s speech was about how he was in Vegas while his mother was dying in New York in the 90’s. He received a call that she was about to go, so he jumped on an airplane and hoped he’d make it to get to say goodbye. He was sure his mom would hold out for him, since she was a Root, she was a fighter. He got to the hospital room, she was still alive, he held her hand for thirty seconds, then she died.

 

It sounds poignant the way I wrote it and I guess it was the way it played out in real life. But Root totally overpowered the story and it took a few minutes to get through it, wasting valuable time. It was manipulative even by manipulative Toastmaster speech contest standards. Maybe I’m being too cynical, but it came off as ghoulish to me.

 

Then came the whammy. He started shouting something to the effect of, “I’m Mother Root’s son and I’m strong too and I should be President because of it.” That seemed to be his main argument for the nomination.

 

It’s a complete non sequitur that because your mother faced death bravely, you are instantly eligible for the White House. It wouldn’t get you a job as an engineer at Microsoft. In fact, making it your main argument for a job would get you the boot if I was interviewing you. How does it make you the President?

 

People are tuned to the radio station WIIFM - what’s in it for me? The ghoulish story like this doesn’t come close to working.

 

Concession Speech

The way the balloting worked for the Libertarians is like American Idol - each time the contestant (uhm, candidate) with the lowest vote tally is eliminated. The losing candidate is given the chance to make a concession speech, the same way an AI speaker gets to (has to) sing the song they’d just lost on.

 

Keep Your Dirty Backroom Deals in the Backroom, Not Front and Center

Root began his speech with, “Boom!” He had a lot of energy for someone who had just lost the chance to lose the presidency in November. We found out why quickly. He immediately endorsed Bob Barr. Then he said that he wanted to be the Vice President under Barr, so that he could learn from the political master. Root was so excited about it that it sounded like he already had won it. Which he effectively did, because…

 

The overall effect of this was to make it seem that Barr and Root struck a deal about the endorsement for the VP candidate in return. Fine. That stuff happens. What doesn’t happen is that you parade it so nakedly. (One of my new found Libertarian buddies confirmed it was almost certain there was a deal.)

 

The way it should’ve worked: Root gets up and pledges his support to Barr. He doesn’t say a word about being VP. When Barr wins the nomination, he repays the favor by saying he wants Root to be his man. Root pretends to be pleasantly surprised. “Oh boy,” I would say. “I wonder if they cut a deal.” As it actually happened, I’m saying, “Oh boy. I’m sure they cut a deal.” I know you guys are politicos, but don’t rub it in my nose.

 
 

Chatting With Barr

During the break as the final vote between Barr and Mary Ruwart was conducted, the CSPAN cameras caught up with Root and Barr standing together.

 

Don’t Over Do It

Root was hanging off Barr like a puppy dog. He went on and on about how Barr was the political master, how he was going to serve as the VP for eight years and suck all of the wisdom from Barr, how he needed it. Then in 2016 Root would be elected President in his own right because he would have learned how to do the job.

 

Let’s think about this. Let’s say Barr wins the presidency in 2008. Indulge me. On January 25th, 2009, while Vice President Root is still learning from the master, Barr has a heart attack and is forced to retire to private life. The same day Israel starts bombing the hell out of Iran. Isn’t the fact that Root hasn’t got to suck the basics of politics from the master going to be a problem?

 

Barr was noncommittal when Root was gushing all over him. It made Root’s overdoing all the worse.

 

Unfortunately I did not see Barr and Root after Root won the VP nomination, so Barr may have warmed up and Root may have calmed down. Maybe.

 

Final Thoughts

If there’s one thread that runs through this, it seems that Root was just trying way, way hard. No amount of polish will save you from yourself.