Much has been written on dealing with a nervous speaker if that speaker is you. What happens if the panicking speaker is someone else - someone you’re friends with or a stranger who elicits your sympathy? What if you only have a few minutes before they go on stage and everyone is worried they’ll crash and burn? Telling them “join Toastmasters” ain’t gonna cut it.

It was many years ago (never mind how many) when I was an awkward high school junior. Being a hopeless geek and trying to pad out my college resume at the same time, I volunteered a few days a week at COSI, a science museum in Columbus, OH. I signed up to have my duty be on the first floor - physical sciences. I chose this because I had a good friend in this area and because it was considered more prestigious for some reason.

One of the main volunteer responsibilities for the physical sciences volunteer was running a half hour show that starred a Van De Graff Generator. A Van De Graff Generator is a large silver ball that causes you to be surrounded by static electricity and makes your hair stand on end. I was so excited over my new COSI uniform and being in the prestigious area that I realized I should be petrified by the Van De Graff Generator only on the day of my first show. I panicked enough that day to make up for my week of ignorance, though. I was really a basket case - as in spitting up a lot of my lunch in a bathroom a few hours before the show and hardly being able to talk.

To review my mess:

• I was easily excitable in general, never mind in front of crowds.
  
• Audience sizes could be up to one hundred.
• The audience could come and go, letting me know right away if I was bombing.
• I had to call on audience members up to the stage and interact with them.
• I was running a piece of machinery that generated 350,000 Volts of static electricity that had shocked me multiple times during practice.

I’ve forgotten almost all the details of my first show so I have nothing to share in how I muddled through it. I think it’s far more interesting how my volunteer coordinator dealt with me.

I don’t remember this woman’s name but I can close my eyes after all these years and still see her face. She was a control freak I was warned, though in my later experience I found her merely to be directive - a good thing given she had to herd high school kids.

My show was at 4:30. It was 4 and I was supposed to be manning some experiment station but was still nervously thumbing my way back and forth through the recommended script they provided us. This is when the volunteer coordinator found me and gave me the talk.

Here’s how that woman helped me so long ago and how you can help a nervous speaker:

• Bending the rules - This woman, so directive usually, had no qualms about letting me skip my responsibilities at some meaningless station since it meant I had an extra thirty minutes to prepare. Usually I avoid panic by completely diverting my one track mind onto something else. That I couldn’t do that then is a sign of how bad off I was. Don’t let the rules blind you to common sense and compassion.
  
• Genuine Interest - COSI volunteer coordinators don’t get paid a ton of money. This woman loved science and education and she clearly had a soft spot for nerdy high school volunteers. I really felt her emphasize with me in my terror, even though she was an accomplished speaker who had probably not been afraid of speaking in years.
• Calm Language/Tone - Even if she privately thought I would bomb, the quiet and calm way she addressed me served to calm me down and even give me a little confidence boost.
• Not over doing the pep talk - The COSI physical science coordinator circa 1994 was never a cheerleader. She didn’t give me some perky speech about how I was going to be awesome because we both knew I wouldn’t be. I was given the encouragement I needed without having my intelligence insulted.
• Reading me and leaving me alone - When I get nervous to the point where I can’t distract myself with something else, I prefer quiet. The coordinator no doubt had other things to take care of anyway, but she also had enough experience reading high school kids to sense this in me. After a few minute pep talk and quietly listening to my concerns, she left me to my thoughts and the Van De Graff Generator. If the nervous speaker you’re helping is a more gregarious sort the right thing may to stay with them and chat about anything but their speech up to the moment they go on. Since reading people is hard, if you’re not sure you can just ask, “Do you want to have a few moments to prepare or do you want me to hang around?”

My first show was rough I’m sure, but as no one got electrocuted or thrown up on I considered it a smashing success. By the end of the summer I was doing up to four shows a day and really loving it, even the getting shocked part.

I wish I could watch my initial talk, not just as a Toastmaster but for the memories of a happy summer. More than that I wish I could thank that coordinator who helped me. Being aware when someone around is petrified and doing what you can to put them at ease will make them eternally grateful to you, too.